Thursday, May 20, 2010

The turning of the tide

Oh shit bee-atches. Looks like I finally made a dent on your fuckers. After all this time, finally something is being done. People are taking action. They’re going for gold. Stepping up to the plate. They’re saying, hey, it’s time for me to take part, to do something, to make a difference. To be not only all I can be, but to be all you can be as well. They’re talking about the man in the mirror, and they’re doing more than just asking him to change his ways. What am I talking about? I’m talking about this.

Yes, bee keeping is on the rise across America. People have heard enough about the dying bees and how the scientists can figure it out, how the government is hopeless and helpless and probably hapless and appleless. The bees are dying out? Not on my fucking watch! That’s what America is saying, and I like it!

So what are you doing about it? Yes you, fat-ass, sitting there reading this right now on your comfortable chair, wasting your life away on the internet. Are you going to go raise a few bees or are you just going to click this off, head over to Twitbook and blog about what you almost ate for a snack today? Are you going to roll up your sleeves — or if you’re wearing short sleeves, put on a long-sleeved shirt first in order to take part in the aforementioned sleeve-rolling — and help prevent the apocalypse, which will not only kill you but also ruin the property value of your home, or will you go read some celebrity gossip about how Justin BEEber has been impregnated by Lady Gaga’s hat?

“Oh, wah, I don’t wanna get a beehive! What if the bees sting me so hurtfully? Oh, their stingers are so sharp and pointy — they’re the opposite of erasers, and even those can hurt when thrust firmly into my ear!”

Yes, yes, I’ve heard it all before. But now is not that time to be a whiny little pussy. Now is the time to roll up your pants and start making honey happen! It’s in your hands, can’t you see? Will you be like those fine citizens in the article I conveniently linked to by the magic of the html fairy, and do your best to save the world? How can you not, I ask you?

So yeah, you should go get some bees and raise them and shit.


Samantha G said...

Put your bees where your mouth is! Are you raising any bees? Let's see 'em!
(Great post, as always.)

Anonymous said...

Yeah lets see the bees so we can see proof, I do something I don't just talk , so if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all!

Chris said...

but...i'm allergic to bees! if i raise bees, i'll die!

i stopped by here a while ago but this article made me thing of you again: