Thursday, October 7, 2010

Bee all that you can bee

So this is what it takes to solve the problem — we had to bring the military in! According to a NY Times article, "a unique partnership — of military scientists and entomologists — appears to have achieved a major breakthrough: identifying a... fungus tag-teaming with a virus have apparently interacted to cause the [bee death] problem." Yeah, that's right bitches. We got the motherfucking army up in this piece. Now what?!
Yeah, you all laughed. Laughed at the crazy bee guy! Oh, look at him. He's just some wacky nut blogging about the end of the world while hording cans of beans in his closet and hunting squirrels! Now who's laughing? Let me tell you, they don't bring in the army for no good reason. Ever watch movies? You know when they bring in the army? When Godzilla comes to town and wrecks shit! And that's what the bee situation is: motherfucking Godzilla, coming to your town, stomping on your car, tearing your house down and lighting you on fire with his radioactive breath. I mean, not literally of course. But you get the picture. Bee dying = bad. Army called in. Problem solved. Or at least identified.
Man, too bad it's not that easy in Afghanistan. Maybe we should send some bees over there.