Tuesday, March 25, 2008

This just in: you're going to die

Hey fuckers — guess what? That bee problem you may have heard me mention once or twice, you know that thing where all the bees die and the entire food chain collapses and we're left eating roaches and mold? Yeah that thing. It's getting worse. It says so in this article right here, you stupid assface. The article says that 37% of bees are now dead, up from 30% from just one year ago. At this rate, all the bees will be dead sometime between 2018 and lunch. Do you realize what that means? Of course you do, because you're reading this blog. It means death. It means Mad Max and Water World and Death Race 2000 and Children of Men and The Smurfs - all those apocalyptic stories we've made up over the years, all will be realized.
But do you care? No. You just stumbled upon this page by accident. Soon you'll be back over at Perez Hilton reading about how they just discovered a week-old peanut butter and banana sandwich inside Britney Spears' vag. Go, go now. Entertainment awaits you.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Bee chips

It's been a while but the world is still falling apart like I said it would so all is good. That is all is bad, but in terms of me being right about the bees dying and causing a chain reaction of misery and suffering for all of Earth, all is good. Anyway, the BBC says they're putting microchips on bees to track them now. This could be good because maybe this research could actually help solve the bee death problem that you've all forgotten about. But it could be bad because, if I was a bee and I was already dying from some weird disease then I probably wouldn't want some asshole stapling a mini computer to my back, especially considering that I only weigh one thousandth of an ounce or whatever.