tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58365584719719195482024-03-13T19:11:32.917-07:00HOLY SHIT THE BEES ARE ALL DEADOh my god we're all gonna dieUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger140125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-40077412061066799002013-05-08T14:29:00.001-07:002013-05-08T14:29:07.715-07:00Newsflash: I'm right and you're an idiotOoooohh... so now everyone is freaking out over it. Now that <a href="http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2013/05/winter-honeybee-losses/">a story comes out in Wired</a> saying that massive bee death is threatening our food supply, suddenly everyone is going apeshit about it. Hey, I've only been saying it for oh, five years or so. But don't listen to me. Hell, people aren't even going to listen to the nerd bags over at Wired. No one is going to listen to anyone about this until they go to their local ShitMart for a grocery run and find nothing but a few cans of Spam and some toilet paper. BECAUSE BEES MAKE FOOD.<br />
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I don't know how many times I can say it before you douche bags take it seriously. I mean, you've got scientists saying it and to be honest, that should mean a hell of a lot more than the ravings of some random bee blogtard, but it doesn't. Actually, any issue scientists care about seem to get ignored. Hmmm.. maybe that should inform our future bee saving strategy. We need to stop the scientists from speaking out on this issue, and instead get dumbass media outlets and pandering politicians to talk about it. So here's the plan:<br />
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1. Nude celeb photos involving bees. You know, a Ke$ha nipple slip caused by a dead bee. That will get the Huffington Posts of the world excited enough to start posting Top 10 dead bee apocalypse drawback lists.<br />
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2. Convince Tea Party buffoons that dying bees is a Libertarian cause. Not sure how to do that. Either connect this to higher taxes and gun rights or perhaps manufacture a fake lost Ayn Rand bee love document.<br />
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That's a lot of work guys. We need to get busy. And by we I mean me because you don't give a shit because you're too busy trying to get retweeted about trivial nonsense because you are an entitled twit like everyone else in this stupid first world. High five.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-33669629841548729512013-03-22T17:17:00.001-07:002013-03-22T17:17:16.753-07:00Lawyers Bee Suin<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdaTYPQKqjJWqSb49RlqlYg5UAUrfhBG2sFahmaRKisUlI_xu6IExWJyj8MXE0mM6_tBEkf6BHgBqVTzfL-ZmV_fVJpHUd4tw7CdHpevZnQXVrlLIZ_7Be4i4JQQK9cYeHcOlfoUgPmc/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdaTYPQKqjJWqSb49RlqlYg5UAUrfhBG2sFahmaRKisUlI_xu6IExWJyj8MXE0mM6_tBEkf6BHgBqVTzfL-ZmV_fVJpHUd4tw7CdHpevZnQXVrlLIZ_7Be4i4JQQK9cYeHcOlfoUgPmc/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" /></a></div>
Oh, look who it is. The fucking bee guy. You thought he was dead. But he's not. And he is I, and I is back. Why? Because the <a href="http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/03/22/beekeepers-sue-epa-over-failing-to-stop-harmful-pesticides/">motherfucking bees are about to have their day in court</a>. That's right. Beekeepers are suing the EPA for not protecting the bees, and like I told you before, if the bees die, it's not just the beekeepers who are screwed—it's you, me and your stupid mom.<br />
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Yeah, I said it from the beginning. The bees are dying and it's because we're all a bunch of assholes who let some chemical dick faces run around spraying toxic shit everywhere so they can make a nice profit. Meanwhile everything is fucked, from the bees to the trees to your face. So suck on that when you don't have anything to eat because the food chain is ruined without bees and you realize it's your fault for being a lazy ignorant pussy too busy watching Game of Thrones to take five minutes and read up about how the world around you is dying and maybe even do something to stop it.<br />
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We better all hope these beekeepers are successful—which of course they won't be because the government is bought and paid for by rich assholes with big houses and shitty taste in music (that's just an assumption but I'd bet on it). Thanks, everyone.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-10123672842444792072012-10-03T12:27:00.004-07:002012-10-03T12:27:32.821-07:00Robobees<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrmqeIiwVVhsDh_4Uh2A13humWpLzy6rhBSeA1Fs7UCPjUanmQiIraMFBnAvPWv4vWDDj6bFC0he7btaYzLu94h8V4OqaFcv1nAYlnnFe9PunHB3J-WVtQb5OPr7WwX0qOr_33lsHPqKA/s1600/original.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrmqeIiwVVhsDh_4Uh2A13humWpLzy6rhBSeA1Fs7UCPjUanmQiIraMFBnAvPWv4vWDDj6bFC0he7btaYzLu94h8V4OqaFcv1nAYlnnFe9PunHB3J-WVtQb5OPr7WwX0qOr_33lsHPqKA/s320/original.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Boy, if this isn't giving up, I don't know what is. The bees are dying, mostly because of us, so what should we do? Save them? Stop doing shit that kills them? Nah, fuck that—<a href="http://io9.com/5948202/new-project-aims-to-upload-a-honey-bees-brain-into-a-flying-insectobot-by-2015?tag=futurism">let's replace them with robo-bees</a>.<br />
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Is this not unfucking believable? Apparently it's easier to build cyborgs than it is to stop using fucked up pesticides. Yup. That's the human race for you. Hey, maybe instead of curing cancer we can just invent artificial technology and then robots will replace us, just like in the movies.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-68253979841516169202012-10-02T07:31:00.001-07:002012-10-02T07:31:30.347-07:00Oprah<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidTc1IOZOTbA2ZqOV_Vz9pSzTjHBMti4l-cC7DBqrdv566JS6Ndb9-Ymx3vsZayiq9lJcN6bcJ9QS1kDw-937md0bURLb82bYUQJSuFk-zWq5j6qDONaOhU-N8BDzZPcYWlCkm5BO_AHo/s1600/AfHUL5hCvk2UKWCYT9YgWg2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidTc1IOZOTbA2ZqOV_Vz9pSzTjHBMti4l-cC7DBqrdv566JS6Ndb9-Ymx3vsZayiq9lJcN6bcJ9QS1kDw-937md0bURLb82bYUQJSuFk-zWq5j6qDONaOhU-N8BDzZPcYWlCkm5BO_AHo/s1600/AfHUL5hCvk2UKWCYT9YgWg2.gif" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-74390513873306233352012-06-20T06:13:00.002-07:002012-06-20T06:13:24.424-07:00Are the bees really busy?!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSCtZGkX4vNLVhDTkpGggi-l7RCPSL8OO2cSj9HP8vPicmTL6zTiHzIRITGV17VSTuyl1BtNa9IhXlcvkd7ZVaB-m0gbsl8vQfbWfVHUdy7XwR_a7oQpd6Mr8HTBfpnCW41A1W6S8GYQI/s1600/rightbee.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSCtZGkX4vNLVhDTkpGggi-l7RCPSL8OO2cSj9HP8vPicmTL6zTiHzIRITGV17VSTuyl1BtNa9IhXlcvkd7ZVaB-m0gbsl8vQfbWfVHUdy7XwR_a7oQpd6Mr8HTBfpnCW41A1W6S8GYQI/s1600/rightbee.gif" /></a></div>
<a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/explainer/2012/06/busy_as_a_bee_are_bees_really_busy_.html?wpisrc=sl_ipad">Okay, really?! </a>So now we're not just killing the bees—we're questioning their work ethic! Are you fucking kidding me? Oh yeah, sure, bees, they are lazy fucks. They just hang out in the hive, throw back honey shots, maybe once in a while flutter around a field sniffing flowers. That's about it. Oh yeah wait, there's also that part where they pollinate more than half the crops that feed the human race. Just that. No big deal. It's easy. Not really a job—more of a hobby.<br />
You know what would be better? Blogging. Bees should stop this whole stupid pollinating thing and go churn out some posts. You know, maybe get into the whole meme thing, start a cat Tumblr, that sort of thing.<br />
Yup. Bees, you lazy shit buzzers. Get a job. Seriously.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-89490735039226016822012-01-10T06:51:00.001-08:002012-01-10T06:51:29.659-08:00Hornets are dicksIt has really got to suck being a be. Now even other bugs are being assholes to them.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/_BHEkjBDWKs" width="560"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-17433315478817045592011-07-15T11:53:00.000-07:002011-07-15T11:59:27.456-07:00You'll bee fineSome guy in New York just <a href="http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2011/07/14/un-bee-lievable-nyc-fines-man-2000-for-not-watering-his-hive/">got fined $2,000 </a>for not watering his bees. But then he got all upset and called his city councilman and they got the fine dropped to just a warning. What do I think about this? Well, it's nice the guy has bees so he shouldn't be fined for it. And it's nice there actually is a bee official who could fine someone for not taking care of bees. So all in all this is a great story. Except for the part about all the dead bees and the end of the world and how that hasn't changed a bit. But as long as we have nice little human interest stories for local newspapers, that's all that matters right? HAHA DID YOU SEE THE STORY ABOUT THE BEE MAN HAHA LOL ROFLOL FORLOFLFORLOFLOLF!!!!111!!!11PWNED!!!!! Oh wait, the food chain of the planet is collapsing—BORING.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-51237874852421126982011-06-17T07:02:00.001-07:002011-06-17T07:10:06.186-07:00Somethin something bees<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqpNldef8G2F_JLhoHjHI0vzypXR-7QLHNRYxVjEsvDzTys20v4BT2E3aWNRCpY3Y7QxLJou2mu1DCdbIV8qvF8JM1LmqSX8FTQtlzO2tNU-A9Nw6qxRjH057kCVgsF6fsWf9hKFX8KMQ/s1600/beesweater.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 134px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqpNldef8G2F_JLhoHjHI0vzypXR-7QLHNRYxVjEsvDzTys20v4BT2E3aWNRCpY3Y7QxLJou2mu1DCdbIV8qvF8JM1LmqSX8FTQtlzO2tNU-A9Nw6qxRjH057kCVgsF6fsWf9hKFX8KMQ/s200/beesweater.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5619190720261243442" /></a>You know, people are always sending me <a href="http://www.kget.com/news/local/story/Bees-bother-a-peaceful-neighborhood/sDoEGUC6vki_AC20QIUprQ.cspx">articles about bees</a>. Every time a bunch of bees swarm a telephone pole it's like "OH BEE GUY YOU WILL LOVE THIS." Yeah, well guess what? I don't loves it. All that bee jazz? That's just a distraction. That's just the Man trying to move our attention from the real bee news. Oh, all life on Earth is about to end because we're destroying the food chain by killing off bees with pesticides but guess what: THERE'S A LOT OF BEES OVER THERE ON THAT STOP SIGN!!!! Oh wow, that man is using smoke to get the bees away! Smoke—wow, amazing! Hey, you know what, you'll be seeing a lot of smoke one day soon—smoke coming from the wreckage of civilization as the last survivors of the great age of man cook rats over burning garbage. <div>Happy Friday you buncha bee-murdering assholes.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-88404706327121714922011-04-06T06:46:00.000-07:002011-04-06T06:56:55.294-07:00Great job<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWkD3Ov4fujnEwcC_UYHZHFMXGbSD36W6B6ZUsaUCF2Wdf1kmHTIlEXAgrCkejbWjtkrE0U-9klczYyYEUWBnYtw3mvLOVyxWocv_djGXPNQHNqnc-vlPXKG2dvY6RPloUqe3_3AqpaJ8/s1600/12564.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 199px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWkD3Ov4fujnEwcC_UYHZHFMXGbSD36W6B6ZUsaUCF2Wdf1kmHTIlEXAgrCkejbWjtkrE0U-9klczYyYEUWBnYtw3mvLOVyxWocv_djGXPNQHNqnc-vlPXKG2dvY6RPloUqe3_3AqpaJ8/s200/12564.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5592469178768044466" /></a>Hey you stupid fucks. You don't think you're fucking up the bees with your shitty pesticides? Then check out <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2011/apr/04/honeybees-entomb-hives">this article</a> that says bees are entombing pesticide-laced honey in their hives inside wax covered cells. Get the picture? The bees bring home this shit, then realize it's all fucked up, so they lock it up to protect the baby bees. But guess what? It usually doesn't work because by then it's too late. But at least they're trying, and that's more than I can say for you, you selfish bee murdering donkey dick. Okay, fine, maybe you don't personally murder bees, you you certainly don't do anything to save them. You don't not murder bees, in a sense. You know, it's all part of the real problem of modern society. It's so big, you don't have to leave your apartment to be responsible for some fucked up shit, like the death of billions of bees and the collapse of the entire world's food system. All you have to do is buy a pesticide covered apple. Maybe you could not do that. Maybe you could buy an organic apple. You know, and save the entire fucking world, you selfish horse face.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-5253737293032779052011-03-30T15:34:00.000-07:002011-03-30T15:36:23.822-07:00Told you.You see what happens? You see what happens Larry? Do you see what happens when you fuck a bee in the ass?<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Jw8AzzGHVNI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-9701410106779432582011-02-25T09:06:00.000-08:002011-02-25T09:24:50.350-08:00Kid BeeNow we've really pissed them off. I've been telling you for years — for FUCKING YEARS — and nobody would listen to me. Yup, let's just let the bees die. Let's kill em. Fuck it. Fuck the bees. Who needs em. Yeah they just make food but who needs that shit anyway, right? Well, now we've done gone and done it. We've pissed them off enough, and now the bees are fighting back the best way they know how. Oh yes, they're coming for us. They're going to pick us off one by one. <a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh5637fCg51qzcik8o1_500.gif">And look who they started with.</a><div><br /></div><div>Yeah that's right. And who will arrest these bees? The police? No. You? You and whose army? Oh I know, you try to be Optimistic, but it's too late. It's too late for Thom. It's too late for the bees. It's too late for us all. It was a nice dream but now we're high and dry. Now all we can do is sulk and be paranoid. What a let down. We're letting the bees disappear completely, and for what? A matter of dollars and cents? Ha! What a pathetic house of cards we live in. A glass house, if you will, where we throw plenty of stones. Well fuck it. What's the point. Might as well give up. I know I will. You should too. So just relax. Forget about the bees. Accept the inevitable. There, there, go to sleep. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-18044512274937262652011-02-10T08:05:00.000-08:002011-02-10T08:11:19.419-08:00Bee Caught in Web (Comic)Look at <a href="http://i.imgur.com/amI6S.jpg">this bullshit</a>. Some dick made a comic about how he likes to embarrass bees in front of their friends. Great. It's not enough that we're wiping them out in a global bee holocaust. Now we have to rid them of their dignity as well. What's next: bee rape?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-92210604555890384512011-01-15T12:30:00.000-08:002011-01-15T12:33:42.947-08:00E.P.A-holesSign <a href="http://act.credoaction.com/campaign/bees/index2.html?r=6802&id=15142-2460808-8Mi5Yex">this petition</a> to save the bees you stupid lazy fuck. You know the story by now, or maybe you don't because you suck. Now they're saying some pesticide has been killing the bees and of course the Environmental Pussies Association knew all along but hasn't done shit about it. Big surprise! Industry gets it way, makes tons of money, and fucks the bees and the rest of us along with them. So yeah, sign this petition. I'm sure it will make a huge difference and save us all. I mean, when hasn't an online petition had a major impact on a hugely important global issue?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-34062624722497702612010-12-25T13:59:00.000-08:002010-12-25T14:01:23.695-08:00Beedolph The Red-Stinged Beedeer<a href="http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2010/12/10-amazzzzing-bee-facts-infographic/">Merry Christmas</a>, you bunch of ungrateful assholes.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-42499628478845132642010-12-13T06:59:00.000-08:002010-12-13T07:13:30.312-08:00This is it: Caught red-handed!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOZCg7JvZ8oiMdTQcPdIvaa2lKKUESHzM05zYnCtq36PSfu-eOHx_XJMCRCLejj7ZsMb3_T2bM1QN0iKQzz_4vEoPBJyfh1offLglHyNBySSdEaMNmLCgRrctRMLZYSVQDzuU197V64Kk/s1600/Case142-2ndEdCover.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 199px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOZCg7JvZ8oiMdTQcPdIvaa2lKKUESHzM05zYnCtq36PSfu-eOHx_XJMCRCLejj7ZsMb3_T2bM1QN0iKQzz_4vEoPBJyfh1offLglHyNBySSdEaMNmLCgRrctRMLZYSVQDzuU197V64Kk/s200/Case142-2ndEdCover.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550185132732095730" /></a>You motherfuckers! I knew it all along! It was a <a href="http://www.fastcompany.com/1708896/wiki-bee-leaks-epa-document-reveals-agency-knowingly-allowed-use-of-bee-toxic-pesticide">conspiracy</a>! Or a stupidity! Or a conspiracy of stupidty! Either way, the proof is in the pudding, the sweet, sweet pudding: <div>"A leaked EPA document reveals that the agency allowed the widespread use of a bee-toxic pesticide, despite warnings from EPA scientists."</div><div>They knew, but they didn't care. Surprise surprise. "Oh, this stuff kills bees? Well, it also kills other bugs so fuck it, let's just spray away. I mean, so what if a few bees take a hit. Big deal. It's not like we're going to set off some huge mass die-off, right guys?! HAHAHA!" And then they all stripped naked and went swimming in their lobbyist money. </div><div>I think the best part of this whole story is that even now that the information is leaked and it turns out that this chemical is banned in many parts of Europe, we're still going to keep using it here. Because that's what we do in this rotten, greedy country devoid of any meaningful culture. We just make a profit. But it's all coming home to roost, or to sting. A fat bank account won't mean shit when the bees are all dead and there's nothing to eat. Maybe then we can force all these pesticide assholes and corrupt government regulators to dress up in bee costumes and pollinate crops by hand with little eye droppers. We can have taskmasters with whips watching over them. Yeah, it will be a grand old time. Except that really we'll just all be dead. </div><div>Good times. Gotta love all this freedom.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-71518961828400149382010-12-10T08:55:00.000-08:002010-12-10T09:02:07.142-08:00We got hives<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJJp67X3K5Uz8ePnts08b_uikipSCo5jBy78PLlNGMEuJirTmmrZ2ELKRqM5srvY3U29UW76e591xwBoKfkva9mBWqaWOqIfzZR9fSbZj3Y7f4fhqd2UwuyYAPcRtSN3bwF3TtLpL0-Ao/s1600/jp-BEES-1-articleInline.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 190px; height: 143px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJJp67X3K5Uz8ePnts08b_uikipSCo5jBy78PLlNGMEuJirTmmrZ2ELKRqM5srvY3U29UW76e591xwBoKfkva9mBWqaWOqIfzZR9fSbZj3Y7f4fhqd2UwuyYAPcRtSN3bwF3TtLpL0-Ao/s200/jp-BEES-1-articleInline.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5549099597075193026" /></a><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/09/garden/09Bees.html?_r=1&emc=eta1">Bees</a>.<div>Mothafucka we got bees.</div><div>They be pollinating trees.</div><div>Getting bitches on they knees.</div><div>Mothafucka we got bees.</div><div><br /></div><div>– Eazy-B, chorus from "We Got Bees" from 1995's multi-platinum album, <i>Eazy-Buzz-It</i></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-74635698452640780622010-12-08T11:59:00.001-08:002010-12-08T12:00:12.201-08:00My Cherry A Moron<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHgpP-w8QU6R9yMSEBCHtCgkV3yEfA86VXUF6PWz740HG_6n8zmXXExtUfHZdUfAyDFwEGgXpfcz57AogOxAJdArgLwev6Pv3Ss7qiL1SIQbny4hw0vru1Be9Iv_UKGfvhVDNbZ1Dbtaw/s1600/20101130-bigcity-articleLarge.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 210px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHgpP-w8QU6R9yMSEBCHtCgkV3yEfA86VXUF6PWz740HG_6n8zmXXExtUfHZdUfAyDFwEGgXpfcz57AogOxAJdArgLwev6Pv3Ss7qiL1SIQbny4hw0vru1Be9Iv_UKGfvhVDNbZ1Dbtaw/s400/20101130-bigcity-articleLarge.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548403695729125586" /></a>According to <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/30/nyregion/30bigcity.html?emc=eta1">this article in the NY Times</a>, some New York bees are hitting up a cherry factory for their sweet, sweet syrup. Great. That's just great. Hey, the rest of us are all fat and sick from eating unnatural crap. Why not the bees? Maybe we should do this will all our food. Got some leftover Hamburger Helper? Just cram it up the nearest beehive! Hey, the bees are on their way out anyway, might as well let them go out with a bang.<div>Or maybe it's wrong. Maybe, just maybe we should make sure our precious life-sustaining bees aren't out all day eating Twinkies and drinking Four Loko. Maybe we should take care of them, treasure them, feed them right! We should be holding up sick bees to our women's teats! But no. Fuck it. Let em eat whatever shit they come across in their short little bee days. Who cares? We're all fucked anyway, right? Whether it's the bees dying or global warming or whatever other disaster we bring upon ourselves, our time is limited. We're on our way out. So fuck it. Let the bees pop that cherry. Enjoy it while you can fellas.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-78736405477559241472010-10-07T07:19:00.000-07:002010-10-07T08:51:41.974-07:00Bee all that you can bee<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_LLkix_1YCXM5uIKETNPWovVA45L4lreBkPCAY8H7zZIjnHK1EJ5OXsp6beSJmJmhMKp6nh-KqacdZuHOOYkQq8FfYJuxcHHewnam_6p-1HbVyKRXBncWvOIo5yMkaniN1qHJr-bYGIE/s1600/beearmy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 158px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_LLkix_1YCXM5uIKETNPWovVA45L4lreBkPCAY8H7zZIjnHK1EJ5OXsp6beSJmJmhMKp6nh-KqacdZuHOOYkQq8FfYJuxcHHewnam_6p-1HbVyKRXBncWvOIo5yMkaniN1qHJr-bYGIE/s200/beearmy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5525332025898714610" border="0" /></a>So this is what it takes to solve the problem — we had to bring the military in! According to <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/07/science/07bees.html?src=ISMR_HP_LO_MST_FB">a NY Times article</a>, "a unique partnership — of military scientists and entomologists — appears to have achieved a major breakthrough: identifying a... fungus tag-teaming with a virus have apparently interacted to cause the [bee death] problem." Yeah, that's right bitches. We got the motherfucking army up in this piece. Now what?!<br />Yeah, you all laughed. Laughed at the crazy bee guy! Oh, look at him. He's just some wacky nut blogging about the end of the world while hording cans of beans in his closet and hunting squirrels! Now who's laughing? Let me tell you, they don't bring in the army for no good reason. Ever watch movies? You know when they bring in the army? When Godzilla comes to town and wrecks shit! And that's what the bee situation is: motherfucking Godzilla, coming to your town, stomping on your car, tearing your house down and lighting you on fire with his radioactive breath. I mean, not literally of course. But you get the picture. Bee dying = bad. Army called in. Problem solved. Or at least identified.<br />Man, too bad it's not that easy in Afghanistan. Maybe we should send some bees over there.<br />What?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-77999445048824849432010-09-08T11:11:00.000-07:002010-09-08T11:16:33.631-07:00War & Keith<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_8LV1IVcI358ApiAFo3KivrnOxXzlpu8LDKF2XihjtyDCaqhj2A-4TgOaUHkt7QVaxPj207WR_LLQ8T4BdDVEqaQu0SsgvumVcbPoak_S9Beq9yJL4IFSSPLYJwlTge8O7_ozIdWBnU8/s1600/291141930_a0ef81485a.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_8LV1IVcI358ApiAFo3KivrnOxXzlpu8LDKF2XihjtyDCaqhj2A-4TgOaUHkt7QVaxPj207WR_LLQ8T4BdDVEqaQu0SsgvumVcbPoak_S9Beq9yJL4IFSSPLYJwlTge8O7_ozIdWBnU8/s200/291141930_a0ef81485a.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5514607771809425906" /></a><br />Damn you <a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-suddenly-realizes-hes-the-one-whos-been-k,18044/">Keith Orlander</a>. Damn you to hell!!!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-24214480893977429732010-05-20T04:59:00.000-07:002010-05-20T05:04:12.076-07:00The turning of the tide<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBtvzkTNGl0qT7k-w2QSXyqMM-oJBvDgoDgFv8QfJcIRdefOBw6OwvHE5mbHki1C_-alAKLIngZZCgsoEKkkemo2QPuGeURYt6uWQqDuyRHp-Fs1KoB7uvxIwk59l66roonK0SRm8Chfw/s1600/beelowfight.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 133px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBtvzkTNGl0qT7k-w2QSXyqMM-oJBvDgoDgFv8QfJcIRdefOBw6OwvHE5mbHki1C_-alAKLIngZZCgsoEKkkemo2QPuGeURYt6uWQqDuyRHp-Fs1KoB7uvxIwk59l66roonK0SRm8Chfw/s200/beelowfight.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473321737114162450" border="0" /></a>Oh shit bee-atches. Looks like I finally made a dent on your fuckers. After all this time, finally something is being done. People are taking action. They’re going for gold. Stepping up to the plate. They’re saying, hey, it’s time for me to take part, to do something, to make a difference. To be not only all I can be, but to be all you can be as well. They’re talking about the man in the mirror, and they’re doing more than just asking him to change his ways. What am I talking about? I’m talking about <a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703957904575252292593683862.html?mod=wsj_india_main">this</a>.<br /><br />Yes, bee keeping is on the rise across America. People have heard enough about the dying bees and how the scientists can figure it out, how the government is hopeless and helpless and probably hapless and appleless. The bees are dying out? Not on my fucking watch! That’s what America is saying, and I like it!<br /><br />So what are you doing about it? Yes you, fat-ass, sitting there reading this right now on your comfortable chair, wasting your life away on the internet. Are you going to go raise a few bees or are you just going to click this off, head over to Twitbook and blog about what you almost ate for a snack today? Are you going to roll up your sleeves — or if you’re wearing short sleeves, put on a long-sleeved shirt first in order to take part in the aforementioned sleeve-rolling — and help prevent the apocalypse, which will not only kill you but also ruin the property value of your home, or will you go read some celebrity gossip about how Justin BEEber has been impregnated by Lady Gaga’s hat?<br /><br />“Oh, wah, I don’t wanna get a beehive! What if the bees sting me so hurtfully? Oh, their stingers are so sharp and pointy — they’re the opposite of erasers, and even those can hurt when thrust firmly into my ear!”<br /><br />Yes, yes, I’ve heard it all before. But now is not that time to be a whiny little pussy. Now is the time to roll up your pants and start making honey happen! It’s in your hands, can’t you see? Will you be like those fine citizens in the article I conveniently linked to by the magic of the html fairy, and do your best to save the world? How can you not, I ask you?<br /><br />So yeah, you should go get some bees and raise them and shit.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-33871838339245260162010-05-16T16:30:00.000-07:002010-05-16T16:37:45.295-07:00FUCK YEAH BITCHES!!!!111!!!1!!!!!!<a href="http://www.treehugger.com/files/2010/05/nicotine-bees-population-restored-with-neonicotinoids-ban.php">WE'RE GONNA LIVE!!!!!</a><br /><br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5YqCSX08u7U&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/5YqCSX08u7U&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-26135981167740300402010-05-02T19:04:00.000-07:002010-05-02T19:16:54.955-07:00Great news!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAACWRvyIhk7rp7VZ86x0PWVfiV-JKpPJo4XvAWA1hRGMt2uO1d_3A_CG4IhHcjSTlnTL8h89_3Fzb2hLQ-rL7MWAWcYPgOFdNkor-h4F-cxl8r7wFwDGCpZh2iG6FTTXZlfgS4c-bF_E/s1600/cheebeeo.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 108px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAACWRvyIhk7rp7VZ86x0PWVfiV-JKpPJo4XvAWA1hRGMt2uO1d_3A_CG4IhHcjSTlnTL8h89_3Fzb2hLQ-rL7MWAWcYPgOFdNkor-h4F-cxl8r7wFwDGCpZh2iG6FTTXZlfgS4c-bF_E/s200/cheebeeo.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5466861081781008658" border="0" /></a>Just kidding, assholes! The news is horrible (as usual). <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2010/may/02/food-fear-mystery-beehives-collapse">The results are in</a>, and surprise, surprise, for the fourth year in a row, more than a third of all bees have died over the winter. Throw in some global warming and a record-breaking oil spill and you've got yourself one hell of an apocalypse coming up. But you know as well as I do that nobody gives a shit. No one cares. People go online, read newspapers, turn on their TVs, and they hear all the bad news and they say, "man, that sucks," and then they change the channel. At best they sign some stupid email petition. Well, I don't see any petitions saving the goddamn bees, and that means I don't see any petitions saving me, you or your grandma from the oncoming collapse of the ecosystem. Oh yeah, when you're living in Central Park, maybe then you'll say, wow, that guy with the bee blog was right. He wasn't just some crazy fuck typing away on his keyboard with two fingers while wearing a burlap sack and a diaper. And hey, even if I do that sometimes, what's the big deal? Is that any crazier than you not giving a shit about your own impending doom? No, I say. I say you are the mad one, and I am the sane one. I am the bee lover. You are the bee killer.<br />This is angry bee guy, reporting live from Fuckyouville, NY.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-22397004321006165712009-10-09T06:12:00.000-07:002009-10-09T06:25:46.835-07:00The bees are back bitches<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin3PkBBJk-58bBkvCD4EaWikV7B-TTGgoqoxhpHc-xwUwPc2KMf3YSCAThHDQ2BbTzSwNz80u6_7up4_fLACKJoXdLkazfH1ddibW6tZzu0Wt6eUjtqW3KRPUJXRbpnPVBBGsp0thilFQ/s1600-h/beegymlrg.gif"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 197px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin3PkBBJk-58bBkvCD4EaWikV7B-TTGgoqoxhpHc-xwUwPc2KMf3YSCAThHDQ2BbTzSwNz80u6_7up4_fLACKJoXdLkazfH1ddibW6tZzu0Wt6eUjtqW3KRPUJXRbpnPVBBGsp0thilFQ/s200/beegymlrg.gif" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5390590567543959522" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Oh, look who's back. It's the bee guy. No, that's not who's back. You want to know who's back. THE </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">MOTHAFUCKIN</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> BEES BITCH! Check </span></span><a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/10/091002103210.htm"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">this article right here</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> that says "</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Honey bees are now fighting back aggressively against </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Varroa</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> mites, thanks to Agricultural Research Service (</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">ARS</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">) efforts to develop bees with a genetic trait that allows them to more easily find the mites and toss them out of the </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">broodnest</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">."</span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Now I know what you're saying. You're saying, "But Bee Guy, I'm a stupid fuck who can't understand shit. What does that mean?" Well, let me break it down for you. Bees are little bugs. Awesome little bugs that run the world and make the things you eat by moving pollen around and helping plants bang, in essence. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Varroa</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> mites are even littler bugs. They're so little, bees consider them bugs. So they're bug bugs. And they suck dick. They grab onto bees and bite them and shit and give them diseases and totally fuck them up. And this is one of the things causing all the bees to die, and therefore leading to the end of all life on Earth except maybe for </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">fishies</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">. </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So yeah, the bees are back, the bees are back, the bees are back in town — thanks to the help of a few smart-ass scientists who actually give a shit about the end of the world. Basically now we've got ass-kicking bees on steroids, who don't take shit from no mites. If only there was a video of these </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">BEEtdowns</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> in action. I don't know about you but it would be tantamount to porn for me. </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I'd like to end this post by quoting Abraham Lincoln, who once said, "</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: normal; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves. And furthermore, fuck yeah bro, bees RULE!"</span></span></span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-19910465616078803092009-05-20T08:22:00.000-07:002009-05-20T08:31:07.784-07:00We are not amused.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirc0OSiHhE2ev4Hz9aqfc5nJJ-1LZNTMad_6rsyP_WDQLVvphKo_b5AHJxBjj3RU4ygr6tz35BVogVP6REKH7NP1SA2cDxW7ziyIMGmIeNJQfgIMEHQjcPn4_cztQAm-nJz3SBbGOuTc4/s1600-h/scarybeeride.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirc0OSiHhE2ev4Hz9aqfc5nJJ-1LZNTMad_6rsyP_WDQLVvphKo_b5AHJxBjj3RU4ygr6tz35BVogVP6REKH7NP1SA2cDxW7ziyIMGmIeNJQfgIMEHQjcPn4_cztQAm-nJz3SBbGOuTc4/s400/scarybeeride.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5337927039428605874" /></a>Some people just get it. Take this kid. Strapped into some freakish spinning mockery by his parents and left to whiz through the air meaninglessly, he cries out at the absurdity of it all. His companion, she laughs, knowing nothing of the irony that is her existence. But the boy, you can see it in his face. He doesn't cry so much as rage out primally against what we have become. For what kind of race is man, that can turn the very instrument of his own destruction into a thrill ride for children? A race of douche bags, that's what we are.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836558471971919548.post-89739801530967127522009-05-11T07:07:00.000-07:002009-05-11T07:37:21.214-07:00Argentinian Bee Conspiracy Discovered (By Me)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL5Jc4cSXdmK3kGWv2hG_io7IJ14qms-ny5BVkY5oaBjZdW_XEfaIivoSE7Wz10syjchgmdAzaDeMj4OSPCwzZVe5I-6PEpfjwA6HQvugqGUYh_xb-XuS2W4nwhfOWGFYDNzMjl480KAo/s1600-h/Apr2BVBB1982Apr8.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 148px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL5Jc4cSXdmK3kGWv2hG_io7IJ14qms-ny5BVkY5oaBjZdW_XEfaIivoSE7Wz10syjchgmdAzaDeMj4OSPCwzZVe5I-6PEpfjwA6HQvugqGUYh_xb-XuS2W4nwhfOWGFYDNzMjl480KAo/s200/Apr2BVBB1982Apr8.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5334575050666885026" /></a>Wow, <a href="http://www.upi.com/Science_News/2009/05/08/Honey-bee-demand-rising-worldwide/UPI-28831241799616/">look at this</a> - apparently there are more bees alive now than ever before. In case a lack of bee-pollinated fruit has left you in a state of weakness that prevents you from clicking that link, some researchers in Argentina say that despite a few years of massive bee death, worldwide bee populations are at an all time high. Oh well, I guess all along every single bee expert in the world has been wrong. <div>So forget everything you've read on this blog. The bees are fine. They're great. I just saw a bee in my backyard this morning sitting on a flower and just obliterating an expert level sudoku. Everything is wonderful. The world is great. Just continue your merry little lives and don't even think about the bees, because if anything, there are actually too many of them. In fact, forget saving them. We need to bump a few of the stinging bastards off. </div><div>Or maybe, just maybe, these Argentinians WANT the bees dead. Did you ever think of that? No, you didn't, because you're too busy Twittering. Well let me put two and two together for you. What's Argentina's major export? Soybeans and product made from soybeans (obviously). And do soybeans need bees to pollinate them? NO, they do not. Did you get the picture yet? </div><div>Argentina, we're on to you. You want the rest of the world to ignore the dying of the bees — to think it's not real. All the while, you'll steadily increase soybean production, and when suddenly the rest of the world has nothing left to eat because the entire food chain has collapsed, suddenly it's Argentina to the rescue with your stupid soybeans and all whole bunch of bullshit soy products! Well listen up Arg-holes: tofu sucks balls and your most famous soccer player is a cheater. So you can take your fake research and shove it up your Malbec growing culos! You can't pull the wool over our eyes — even if it's organic wool made from llamas raised in the beautiful Andean foothills. We will stop your plot, we will save the bees, and you nobody will cry for Argentina.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2