Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Newsflash: I'm right and you're an idiot

Ooooohh... so now everyone is freaking out over it. Now that a story comes out in Wired saying that massive bee death is threatening our food supply, suddenly everyone is going apeshit about it. Hey, I've only been saying it for oh, five years or so. But don't listen to me. Hell, people aren't even going to listen to the nerd bags over at Wired. No one is going to listen to anyone about this until they go to their local ShitMart for a grocery run and find nothing but a few cans of Spam and some toilet paper. BECAUSE BEES MAKE FOOD.

I don't know how many times I can say it before you douche bags take it seriously. I mean, you've got scientists saying it and to be honest, that should mean a hell of a lot more than the ravings of some random bee blogtard, but it doesn't. Actually, any issue scientists care about seem to get ignored. Hmmm.. maybe that should inform our future bee saving strategy. We need to stop the scientists from speaking out on this issue, and instead get dumbass media outlets and pandering politicians to talk about it. So here's the plan:

1. Nude celeb photos involving bees. You know, a Ke$ha nipple slip caused by a dead bee. That will get the Huffington Posts of the world excited enough to start posting Top 10 dead bee apocalypse drawback lists.

2. Convince Tea Party buffoons that dying bees is a Libertarian cause. Not sure how to do that. Either connect this to higher taxes and gun rights or perhaps manufacture a fake lost Ayn Rand bee love document.

That's a lot of work guys. We need to get busy. And by we I mean me because you don't give a shit because you're too busy trying to get retweeted about trivial nonsense because you are an entitled twit like everyone else in this stupid first world. High five.


Eric Holland said...

Love your blog brother

Anonymous said...

The consequences are spreading, it's the first year my vegetable garden is not giving fruits... Where are the bees!!?? I have to polinate everything manually!
We are in trouble dear friends... We need to act now!

Unapologetic Pessimist said...

I linked to your blog on my blog about why we're all gonna die. Just so you know.

Anonymous said...

The bee holocaust is a libertarian cause. (Authoritarians are probably killing the bees on purpose to kill off human beings, a larger-scale repeat of Stalin's democide.) Please don't confuse libertarians with the Tea Party which was co-opted by CIA psyops in 2009 to move it under the neocon umbrella. The tea party began as an anti-globalist, anti-McCain, anti-Palin, pro-Paul second U.S. revolution, hence the name (probably also a psyop, but a more appealing one).

Anonymous said...

after writing a report on why ALL THE BEES ARE DEAD I found your blog, it's heart-warming to know that there is someone very loudly telling everyone that all the bees are dead! because bee's can't tell anyone that because that would require worldwide dance language education and the invention of necromancy, because they are bees and they are dead!
and if you are a tea-party member reading this I would like you to know that I am sure that Nosema spp. was synthesised by a communist shadow government to increase bee susceptibility to pesticides in conjunction with Israeli fundamentalists who engineered a weaponised paralysis virus to force government to take a direct hand in the conservation of our food supply.
and if you are a celebrity then Hollywood has made a new rule that says it's not porn if at least one on screen actor is a Varroa mite!

Anonymous said...

This blog sums up the purpouse of my life.

Anonymous said...

Loved that.

Anonymous said...

There's some art here that may bee up your alley, might find it intereSting.