The Beelocaust

Hello bee fans. It's been a while since I've updated this site. I've mostly been preparing my underground bunker for the apocalypse. You know, hoarding food and ammunition, making sure my chemical toilet is in working order... that sort of thing. After all, not a damn thing has changed since this blog started up. The bees are still dying, the collapse of all life on the planet is in the works, a loaf of bread costs twice as much as it did a year ago, and nobody seems to give a shit.
So what's in the bee news today? Let's see... there's a story about how lots of German bees were killed by fruit fly pesticides last year. Thanks Germany! First the holocaust, now this.
In better news, Pennsylvania bees seem to be hanging on alright. I don't know what's sadder about this article: that good bee news consists of "only" 27% of bees dying over the winter, or that if you want to survive the end of life as we know it, you have to move to fucking Pennsyltucky. Yeah right. I think I'd rather die with the bees than spend my last moments alive surrounded by asshole Phillies fans.
And that's pretty much where we stand. The bees are still dying, the Germans are at it again, and nobody likes Pittsburgh. The future looks bright.

This just in: you're going to die

Hey fuckers — guess what? That bee problem you may have heard me mention once or twice, you know that thing where all the bees die and the entire food chain collapses and we're left eating roaches and mold? Yeah that thing. It's getting worse. It says so in this article right here, you stupid assface. The article says that 37% of bees are now dead, up from 30% from just one year ago. At this rate, all the bees will be dead sometime between 2018 and lunch. Do you realize what that means? Of course you do, because you're reading this blog. It means death. It means Mad Max and Water World and Death Race 2000 and Children of Men and The Smurfs - all those apocalyptic stories we've made up over the years, all will be realized.
But do you care? No. You just stumbled upon this page by accident. Soon you'll be back over at Perez Hilton reading about how they just discovered a week-old peanut butter and banana sandwich inside Britney Spears' vag. Go, go now. Entertainment awaits you.

Bee chips

It's been a while but the world is still falling apart like I said it would so all is good. That is all is bad, but in terms of me being right about the bees dying and causing a chain reaction of misery and suffering for all of Earth, all is good. Anyway, the BBC says they're putting microchips on bees to track them now. This could be good because maybe this research could actually help solve the bee death problem that you've all forgotten about. But it could be bad because, if I was a bee and I was already dying from some weird disease then I probably wouldn't want some asshole stapling a mini computer to my back, especially considering that I only weigh one thousandth of an ounce or whatever.

Planet bee? Not for long at this rate.

Out of sight out of mind, that's the American way right. You have a problem, it makes headlines for a few days or maybe even weeks, but eventually we get bored and then it goes away, even if the problem itself doesn't. Well guess what — the bee problem isn't going away, but the bees are. Just look at this: bee death problems and France and Italy. Oh, the problem isn't gone, even thought our attention spans are. You think we live on a bee planet? Well, we do. A planet run on bees. But they're not laughing. They're not smiling. They're dying! Dying, you stupid careless fucks! And the rest of us will follow soon along with the entire food chain if we don't do something about it! But nooooooo, what's on Entertainment Tonight? What's on E? What's on Perez Hilton? That's all you care about, you selfish fuckers. You don't deserve what the bees give you! They work hard all day, all night, all mid morning, while you're sitting on your fat fleshy ass surfing the web and planning your time share, and all they ask for is a little concern when they're experiencing a mystery holocaust that's probably your fault to begin with. But that's too much. One precious second of your shriveled brain's time is just not available, even if it means the death of all life on Earth. Enjoy your planet now while you still can, you bloody wankers.

These boots are made for the apocalypse

Hey bee-lovers. It's been a while since the last update, but here's some major news for you: all the bees are going to die and we're still as fucked as ever. Yup, nothing much has changed. The world is going to end, the economy is collapsing, the food chain is being dismantled, and guess what - still no bees. And nobody cares. Yeah, sure, put on your little bee boots and run around! Do a little dance! HEY LOOK AT ME AND MY BEE BOOTS! THEY'VE GOT LITTLE EYES AND LITTLE WINGS, JUST LIKE REAL BEES!!! And just like the real bees of today, they're inanimate objects that can't do anything — like make apples or corn or other food products that stupid boot wearing bastards like us need. Laugh it up boot people. Stick your feet knee-deep in the pits of your own doom.

Happy Holidays

Happy holidays! Hey, look what I got you! It's a disgusting bee ornament! Well, not really a bee. It's a person thing with a yellow dishrag on her head, wearing a bee dress, black and white stockings and elf shoes. She does have wings though, so maybe she is some sort of bee-themed fairy. She's also holding onto a bee-colored umbrella and making some weird puffing face. She's actually pretty frightening. Imagine if someone rang your doorbell and you opened the door and a life-size version of this was just standing there, silently puffing away. But anyway, Merry Christmas, fuckface.

Nice thorax

Wow, this bee has a HUGE ass. I mean, if you're down with that kind of thing, this has to be just another reason to care about saving the bees. Of course nobody does. No one cares. People are happy to let the bees die. And this blog. One one reads it. It doesn't matter. The bees don't mean shit. Fine. Let it all go. Let it all rot. You don't want some fat hot sexy bee ass? Fine with me. You want to sit idly by reading Perez Hilton while the food chain breaks down? Go for it. Happy holidays, assholes.