Oprah

Are the bees really busy?!!!

Okay, really?! So now we're not just killing the bees—we're questioning their work ethic! Are you fucking kidding me? Oh yeah, sure, bees, they are lazy fucks. They just hang out in the hive, throw back honey shots, maybe once in a while flutter around a field sniffing flowers. That's about it. Oh yeah wait, there's also that part where they pollinate more than half the crops that feed the human race. Just that. No big deal. It's easy. Not really a job—more of a hobby.
You know what would be better? Blogging. Bees should stop this whole stupid pollinating thing and go churn out some posts. You know, maybe get into the whole meme thing, start a cat Tumblr, that sort of thing.
Yup. Bees, you lazy shit buzzers. Get a job. Seriously.

Hornets are dicks

It has really got to suck being a be. Now even other bugs are being assholes to them.

You'll bee fine

Some guy in New York just got fined $2,000 for not watering his bees. But then he got all upset and called his city councilman and they got the fine dropped to just a warning. What do I think about this? Well, it's nice the guy has bees so he shouldn't be fined for it. And it's nice there actually is a bee official who could fine someone for not taking care of bees. So all in all this is a great story. Except for the part about all the dead bees and the end of the world and how that hasn't changed a bit. But as long as we have nice little human interest stories for local newspapers, that's all that matters right? HAHA DID YOU SEE THE STORY ABOUT THE BEE MAN HAHA LOL ROFLOL FORLOFLFORLOFLOLF!!!!111!!!11PWNED!!!!! Oh wait, the food chain of the planet is collapsing—BORING.

Somethin something bees

You know, people are always sending me articles about bees. Every time a bunch of bees swarm a telephone pole it's like "OH BEE GUY YOU WILL LOVE THIS." Yeah, well guess what? I don't loves it. All that bee jazz? That's just a distraction. That's just the Man trying to move our attention from the real bee news. Oh, all life on Earth is about to end because we're destroying the food chain by killing off bees with pesticides but guess what: THERE'S A LOT OF BEES OVER THERE ON THAT STOP SIGN!!!! Oh wow, that man is using smoke to get the bees away! Smoke—wow, amazing! Hey, you know what, you'll be seeing a lot of smoke one day soon—smoke coming from the wreckage of civilization as the last survivors of the great age of man cook rats over burning garbage.

Happy Friday you buncha bee-murdering assholes.

Great job

Hey you stupid fucks. You don't think you're fucking up the bees with your shitty pesticides? Then check out this article that says bees are entombing pesticide-laced honey in their hives inside wax covered cells. Get the picture? The bees bring home this shit, then realize it's all fucked up, so they lock it up to protect the baby bees. But guess what? It usually doesn't work because by then it's too late. But at least they're trying, and that's more than I can say for you, you selfish bee murdering donkey dick. Okay, fine, maybe you don't personally murder bees, you you certainly don't do anything to save them. You don't not murder bees, in a sense. You know, it's all part of the real problem of modern society. It's so big, you don't have to leave your apartment to be responsible for some fucked up shit, like the death of billions of bees and the collapse of the entire world's food system. All you have to do is buy a pesticide covered apple. Maybe you could not do that. Maybe you could buy an organic apple. You know, and save the entire fucking world, you selfish horse face.

Told you.

You see what happens? You see what happens Larry? Do you see what happens when you fuck a bee in the ass?